Need
by Solaris Moon
Summary: There is something wrong, Lovino thinks, with what he needs right now. Itacest, mild angst, songfic to Malchik Gei by Tatu... yeah, I know. Kill me later if you must.


Title: Need

Rating: T

Warnings: Language, Itacest, Songfic, mild angst

Comments: So... I joined an RP on LJ. And I play Feliciano. Somehow I conned my friend into playing Lovino... It's actually quite fun. Yeah, I know this starts off stunningly like yesterday's release, but here's a very big difference: this is a SONGFIC. Shocker, I know, especially when you know who the band is. I am a major Tatu fan, and my mp3 player has several of their songs on it. I keep the thing on random and the other day it pulled up Malchik Gei. Instead of skipping over it (I was in a bit of a bad mood and needed angry music), I listened, and in the right mindset, created this. I showed it to my Lovino, and she squeed. Like capslock RIGHT IN MY FACE. And I've been encouraged to release all my Itacest fics not just by people on the RP (you guys know who you are~ _:heart:_ ) but by the **Lovely Reviewers Who Made My Day By Reviewing On Just Desserts. Seriously, THANK YOU GUYS FROM THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY HEART! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! **[/sentimental-flip-out]

This is cross posted on the Hetalia livejournal community, under the same title, and I would like to take this time to address a couple of quick things from the anonymous reviews recieved (please, guys, if you have an account, sign in to review, I always reply with a thanks. I don't bite~ ...much. ;) )

-Yes, after this I have TWO MORE ITACEST, and I am IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING ANOTHER AS THIS IS GOING UP. However, the **first** Itacest fic I did is part of a series I intend to not onlyl crosspost on the Hetalia community, but on my deviant art with a sketch of the idea that inspired it all, and until I finish the sketch and get my scanner software back on my computer (it died back in January and I only got it fixed in mid-February and haven't had a chance to get my software back... and I REFUSE to use my mother's Mac. It fades stuff. Liek WHOA.), I don't want to post it. Plus I'm supposed to be working on my Kingdom Hearts fics too...  
And as for the **second** Itacest, it is VERY ANGSTY and has... well, it's not quite noncon or dubcon, I don't know precisely what you'd call it, and I'm rather worried that it would not be well recieved. So I would like to put it up to the readers- show of hands time, as the case may be. Please review and tell me if it would be all right. [/shameless review-whoring]

All right, end of the author note. Please enjoy~!

* * *

_Handsome, tender, soft_

_Why do you look right through me, thinking 'no,_

_I can't deny my feelings, growing strong'_

_I try to keep believing, dreaming, oh_

_And every time I see you, I crave more_

_I wanna pull you closer, closer, closer, closer_

_But you leave me feeling frozen_

It was happening again- Feliciano was coming home late from being out with that potato bastard. He could hear his brother's whistle as he came up the walk, practically dancing. He watched the younger Italy actually, literally _dance_ up to the door, humming quite loudly as he unlocked the door and came in, shouting that he was home.

"Brother, I'm home," he said quieter once he reached the door to their shared bedroom. Lovino could have quite easily demanded his own room, it wasn't like their lovely townhouse didn't have two more rooms made up for guests, but it was too comforting to have his brother beside him when he slept. They'd been separated as children for the longest, and he'd been jealous of the attention paid to little Veniciano, wishing for some of the attention and affection for himself, not seeing what was so great about the bambino. It wasn't until they were reunited when they were teens that he witnessed firsthand the affection his brother had for everyone (except Turkey, but that was understandable, Romano hated the masked creep himself), that he saw how truly beautiful his brother was in both appearance and in soul. He saw the smile he had for all, especially when one of the countries was having a bad day, the hugs, the affection, the love, the sheer joy Feliciano had at just being alive… and he couldn't find a single reason to hate him. He had no reason for ire at the lighter, sweet twin, and at first that fact in itself had irked him. Gradually he realized he held true love for the boy, but he couldn't admit it.

After all, he was in love not only with a boy, but his own twin. It was a sin, it was a crime, no matter how you looked at it. It frightened him to his core every time he thought about it, but he couldn't help it. "I know, Feliciano- I saw you dancing up the walk," he sighed, never turning from the window. He didn't think he could conjure up a smile tonight, not thinking about his sweet, precious little twin and that coarse, brutish bastard he was so attached to.

"Oh, you saw that? Whoops, guess I was so happy I didn't even think about it. Sorry, Lovino."

"Nah, it's all right, if you're happy then dance." He said, hoping that would end the discussion, but no, Feliciano had to go on and tell him about his evening, how they'd thrown a small, impromptu party when Japan had shown up, then England, America and France had invited themselves, and how Arthur had drank too much of the wine Feliciano had brought, and how embarrassed both Kiku and Alfred were when Arthur had proceeded to attempt to cuddle Kiku, then how France had gotten evicted for trying to be a 'molesty-face', as Feliciano called it. He was happy that his brother was so enthused, but at the same time, he wondered… why couldn't that be him that brought that particular spark to that smile, why couldn't it be him that his brother adored?

He felt warm skin against his back, and knew immediately that Feliciano was going to bed very soon, if he'd taken off his shirt. A chin rested against his head and his brother's voice reverberated through his skull, his chest, his heart.

"Ve~… every time I come home you're staring at the sky. Why do you do that, brother?"

"Oh… just waiting for a shooting star." Lovino said, managing a sardonic grin at the sheer irony of this statement- it was his brother who wished on stars, not the elder Italy. No, he had too much of the mafia in him; you didn't wait for results, you went out and everyone else be damned, you did it yourself. If you fell, you pulled yourself up by the bootstraps, shot whoever had pushed you, and life went on. It was how life was supposed to go.

So why could he not follow this rule when it came to his brother? …Well, it would wipe the smile off his face to lose this one, the one he loved, and loathe to admit though he was, Lovino knew he was no match for the bigger, stronger Germany. Even England, England who loved his own adopted son (practically, anyway), would reject this. Lean arms kissed by the sun wrapped around his shoulders, and Feliciano began watching the sky with him. He cautiously brought his hands up to Feliciano's arms, resting his hands on the lean limbs, even daring to curl closer to the warm Italy.

It was as close as he could get, and while he relished the contact, he hurt knowing it was something he could never have.

_Malchik gei, malchik gei,_

_I can be all you need_

_Won't you please stay with me?_

_Malchik gei, malchik gei_

_Apologies, might-have-beens_

_Malchik gei, malchik gei,_

_Can't erase what I feel_

_Malchik gei, malchik gei_

"Watching Feliciano again, stupid Spain?" Lovino was highly jealous; he knew the other countries thought he was crushing on Spain but was too… what was that word Kiku used? Tsundere? Yeah, that sounded right- they thought he was too tsundere to just come out and say it to Antonio. Oh no, no, no. He didn't like Spain. He _respected _him for putting up with his bitchy ass all those years. He wasn't crushing on him. If they only knew who he liked best, they'd have a right fit. He had noticed his former boss looking over at the little Italy longingly, and respect or no, it took all he had to keep from belting him one right upside the head.

He was probably going to do it anyway if the older country didn't stop looking at his brother like that right fucking now.

"Only a little," Spain admitted with a soft smile. "It's nice how he gets along with everyone, even France. It's rather cute." Romano knew he looked as irked as he felt, because Antonio was quick to reword that. "I-I mean, not that you're not cute, Romano, you're absolutely PRECIOUS! You and your brother both, so adorable, even when you were kids!"

"Okay, now you sound like a pedophile, stupid Spain." Romano snorted, only getting a hug and a kiss on the forehead for his trouble. "D-don't do that…"

"Aw, but Romano…"

"HEY, ANTONIO! WE NEED YOU OVER HERE FOR A BIT!" Alfred shouted over the din, waving the Spaniard over to where he and England were standing. Antonio smiled apologetically and took off for the two, leaving Lovino to take up his spot watching his brother.

_God… I want to be all you want… the only person you need. _He had to turn away quickly when Germany looked over at him suspiciously, but not before he shot him a glare that could kill.

_Choking back emotion_

_I try to keep on hoping for a way_

_A reason for us both to come in close_

_I long for you to hold me like your boyfriend does_

_And though my dream is slowly fading_

_I wanna be the object, object, object, object_

_Of your passion but it's hopeless_

"Lovino, I'm home~!"

"I saw you coming up the walk, Feliciano." Ah, same song, different day. Lovino once again waiting for his brother, Feliciano once again literally dancing up the walk after Ludwig dropped him off. Just as soon as Feliciano was ready for bed (re: naked), he returned to his window vigil with his brother, the warmth of skin on skin soothing and tormenting Lovino all at once.

"Still watching for shooting stars, brother?"

"Yeah, Feli. Still waiting."

"Well, I'll wait with you then! And both our wishes can come true!"

They didn't see any shooting stars that night, and Feliciano fell asleep leaning on Lovino. After a few hours, Lovino finally moved him to the bed, cuddling when he felt Feliciano's arms lock around his waist. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to let him cuddle… to hold him close as well. After all, it was the privacy of their home. No one could see. No one could condemn.

_Malchik gei, malchik gei,_

_I can be all you need_

_Won't you please stay with me?_

_Malchik gei, malchik gei_

_Apologies, might-have-beens_

_Malchik gei, malchik gei,_

_Can't erase what I feel_

_Malchik gei, malchik gei_

"So, let me get this straight… you like me?" Romano was confused. No, no this was not supposed to happen. Antonio was not supposed to actually LIKE him. There was no sense; Antonio wasn't a masochist…

"Yes, Romano. Is it so odd that I like you?"

"Yes, because you're always watching Feliciano!" The infidelities of his former boss amazed and actually hurt him, but his mind was crowing. _See, Feliciano, come around that corner and see this, see how others will hurt you, how the only one who can truly love you forever is big brother…_

"But you're always watching him too." Antonio smiled. "I noticed. So either you're watching him because you want to keep him safe, or like me, on some level you're attracted to him. So are you saying you don't want to be with me because it's me or because I'm not Feliciano?" Damn that Spain, so observant. He didn't like it. He didn't want to have to say it. But Spain always knew when he was telling the truth or not. So he sighed, bit his lip, and got on with it.

"…If you ever tell anyone I'll kill you myself, but… I like Feliciano. I mean, REALLY like. We watch the stars together at night after he gets home and I never want those moments to end. He preoccupies my thoughts and dreams, and he doesn't even know how much I care…"

"So… so you love Feliciano… and nothing will change that?"

"Nothing will change that."

"Well… I guess that's bad news for me, but good news for Veniciano." Antonio laughed. Lovino was floored- Spaniard say what now? From around the corner came Feliciano, smiling shyly.

"You love me, brother?" Lovino sighed and hid his face, ashamed.

"Yes… I have for a long time now. But it's wrong, immoral, you're with Ludwig… I couldn't tell you…"

"Me and Ludwig? No… no, we're not. Besides, Italy will do what is best for it, and I think what is best for it is that we be together." Feliciano's arms were around Lovino in mere seconds and Lovino felt comforted by this, hugging his own brother back.

Antonio's heart panged for this scene- he really did care about both Italys and their happiness, but he wanted Romano to be his forever. Well, knowing these two, something could always happen and he'd have a shot, but for now… for now all he wanted was that Lovino be happy with the one he loved. And he looked pretty damn happy to him.

--

"Lovino, are you still looking at the stars again?" Feliciano asked indulgently, gently wrapping his arms around his brother. "Why are you looking now?"

"Still for that shooting star. I have one wish I want to come true."

"Oh? And that would- Oh my god, a shooting star!" Quickly the two made a wish, and they watched the stars a bit longer. Finally as they were getting into bed, Feliciano brought it up.

"So, what did you wish for?"

"To be by your side forever." Lovino blushed. "Yours?"

"That your wish be granted."

* * *

[/fantastically purple prose] Please review. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM is much appreciated, I would like to know what I did right, what I did wrong, any questions, concerns, etc. Thank you in advance!


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